If you’re reading this because you recently went through a breakup, I’m genuinely sorry. The world is battling a pandemic, and now this shit? 2020, just why?! But while this may feel like the worst time to be going through a breakup, it may just be your biggest blessing yet! While I won’t be spilling all the details of why my ex-boyfriend and I of 5.5 years broke up, I will be getting into what’s helped me in hopes it will help you too.
1) Feel what you need to feel.
We have feelings for a reason, so feel it. Whatever you are feeling is alright. Let yourself feel it and learn the lesson. Don’t sweep your feelings and thoughts off to the side for another time, that will only prolong things. Feel everything you need to feel so that you can let it go when the time is right. You’re going to cry and you’re going to hurt; but day by day you’ll find yourself smiling more and laughing a bit harder until you’re the happiest you’ve ever been!
2) Keep your head up!
“Being positive isn’t pretending everything is good, it’s seeing the good in everything.”
We have conversations in our mind more than we talk to anyone else – so make sure you’re being kind to yourself. Our perspective and the way we talk to ourselves is so important and affects everything we do. Keep your thoughts positive and your mind a healthy place. This is definitely easier said than done, but if you find yourself struggling with this then I’d recommend reading UN#@%! Yourself which will give you guidance on how to “get out of your head and into your life”. The author is an expert, not me, so go with the book!
3) Time. SO. MUCH. TIME.
“There is no “right time”, there is just time and what you choose to do with it.”
Use this time wisely. If you’re lucky enough to have all this extra time on your hands because of the pandemic, don’t waste it. At first, I felt my life had been put on pause. Taking a break is okay, but I felt stagnant and helpless, like I had to wait for things to go back to “normal” for me to resume living my life and chasing my dreams. I’m generally a very optimistic person, but found myself constantly thinking negative thoughts. The times had got me down. But then I reached a tipping point where I realized that my life was not on hold, and that I was the only one standing in my way. I started using my time to really think about what I wanted in life and what my next steps to achieving that would be. I figured out exactly what made me happy, and what didn’t. Use this time to figure out what’s no longer serving you, and let it go. Life is short, so find what truly makes your heart skip a beat, and chase it!
4) Self Care.
“One day, you’ll be the happiest version of you. And it’ll all be worth it.”
Mentally and physically, take care of yourself. You’re going through a rough time, so be there for yourself and do things that make you feel the most like you. Make this a time of self discovery and never stop working towards being the happiest, healthiest, best version of you. Watch the sunset alone, take yourself out to dinner, eat the whole cake, and start creating a beautiful life and future for yourself.
5) Friends.
Luckily for me, I have an amazing support group. While I don’t have a ton of close friends, my best friends are honestly THE BEST (& if you guys are reading this just know ILY!!). There is no shame in relying on your friends a bit during tough times like these. The right people will want to be there for you, and this could be a perfect time to really see who your true friends are. Close or distant friends, remember who was there for you and never. stop. appreciating them. It’s genuine people like that, that you should be surrounding yourself with. Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while as well, it’s always refreshing to catch up with old friends – and you never know who might just be needing you too!
6) Try new things!
There is no better time than now to try all the things you’ve been putting off! Take a road trip, go out in nature, learn a new language, play an instrument, be artistic, go on adventures, and start your new chapter! Don’t just find distractions, fill your time with things that actually bring value to your life. Find happiness in places, people, and things that you never thought you would. There are so many reasons to smile – go find them!
7) Meet new people.
Fck it, you’re singleee!!! Celebrate your new found freedom and meet someone new! You probably won’t be single forever, so make the most of it! Getting to know people online first is a great way to make sure they’re not a low key serial killer. If you’re picky with who you’re seeing during this time, you’ll find that social distancing is the best excuse to not actually meet up with someone if you don’t want to, and for ghosting someone if things get weird! There’s so many online ways to meet people these days, so slide into those DM’s or join a dating app! Don’t have high expectations, but keep an open mind. Getting to know people can be such a beautiful thing, or at the very least, will give you something to laugh about! There are so many amazing people out there that you haven’t had the chance and time to give effort to, and now you do. You may even end up gaining a new best friend!
8) Books.
What better way to know you’re not alone than relating to a complete stranger, half way around the world, that has no idea you exist? Whatever you’re going through, there’s probably book about it. I especially love poems so if you don’t, too bad because all my recommendations are poetry books!
- Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
- The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur
- Falling Toward by Robert M. Drake and r.h. Sin
- The Things I Feel in my F*cking Soul & The Things That Took Years to Understand by Robert M. Drake
- It Will be Okay, and You Will be too by Dr. Jeremy Goldberg
- Rest in the Mourning by r.h. Sin
9) Mind ya damn business!
No matter how much you miss them, resist the urge to check up on them! Keeping in constant contact is only going to make things more difficult in the end. It’s never easy losing someone you were once close to, but I’ve found the quickest way to move on is simply minding my own business. What my ex does, who he hangs out with, what he posts on social media, should not matter. To move forward you have to leave the past in the past. Maybe one day you two can be friends again, but that day is NOT today!
10) Be grateful & trust the best is yet to come.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” -C.S. Lewis
"So, yes, you're going to love the wrong people but that's just so you'll know the difference between what is real and what isn't" -r.h. Sin
While this one may be hard, it could possibly be the most important. Every person we meet and every experience we go through is a lesson – so learn from it. Even if the relationship ended bad, it couldn’t have all been bad, right? You guys must have been happy at some point, so appreciate the good times but never forget the bad. Shit happens (an excessive amount of shit in 2020 apparently), but that’s life. Without these experiences we would never learn and never grow, and thats something to be thankful for. It has shaped who you are today and hopefully has allowed you to become a better person than you were before. You don’t need anyone to help you discover your value, so realize your own worth and that you deserve so much more. Trust that good things are coming, if you let it. These are the times you have been waiting for – take the risk and have the time of your life!
There's Always a Reason to Smile 